593: How to slay your unwanted thoughts
One of the questions we get asked most is how to handle unwanted thoughts. Throughout June we’ll be discussing how our thoughts color our experiences, how they can get out of control, and what helps settle our thoughts and bring more peace to our minds.
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Points covered in this episode:
Some helpful things to know:
- We all have unwanted thoughts
- They don’t mean there’s some wrong with us
- There are things we can do that help
Know that your thoughts aren’t facts
We all have thoughts, lots of them, and they are often disturbing. But we are not our thoughts, and our thoughts are not facts. Understand this and working actively to really hold this as true is the key to a more peaceful mind.
Practices that help:
Detached thought watching There’s an Ayurvedic practice for thought watching, where you imagine your thoughts floating by on a stream with detachment. We have a guided version of this in our Patreon. ((add post link to notes))
Our suffering doesn’t come from the thoughts themselves, we suffer when we believe them. Then our mind becomes a bully and we are its victim. That we can work to change.
Labelling
Labelling our thoughts can help too. Using simple brief labels like “worrying thought” and then look for other thoughts and label them “happy thought” the idea is to not be too attached to either. When we get attached to our happy thoughts, we can cling to them and then worry about losing them. We can be grateful and present with them, but know that they will pass too. Thoughts are like the weather, they are always changing.
We want to hold on to the good ones, and we dread the bad ones. If we can practice letting thoughts come and go without them having such an intense impact on us, we will feel less anxious.
“We habitually spin off and freak out when there’s even the merest hint of fear. We feel it coming and we check out. It’s good to know we do that—not as a way to beat ourselves up, but as a way to develop unconditional compassion. The most heartbreaking thing of all is how we cheat ourselves of the present moment. ”
Question: “How do I allow myself to enjoy the present moment instead of feeling like I’m waiting for something bad to happen when things are going well?”
This is a challenging experience, especially if it’s informed by past trauma where we were having a good day and some bad news, or difficult experience came into that day.
Practice: Being immersed in the present moment
When we try not to think about something, we can be sure it’s all we’ll think about, so we have to learn how to gently redirect our mind.
When dreadful thoughts break in to a good day, we are a breath away from imagining them and letting them play out in our minds. At that moment, what helps is to instead state the truth of this moment. What’s happening in our mind is fear fiction, it isn’t a fact, but our body responds as if it is, and we can fall down the rabbit hole of horrible imaginings. Instead, we can take a breath and state what is happening in this moment, for example, “I’m here sitting in a chair”, or “I’m a woman having a good moment with my family” whatever simple truth is happening now. Credit for this practice goes to Toni Bernhard author of How to be Sick.
The level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection. - Brené Brown, Daring Greatly
Brené Brown also talks about this. She described fear breaking in to a happy family moment and how she chose to hold both, the vulnerability and the joy.
We tend to think in black and white, but there are so many colors to our experience and the most loving and happy moments can be the most tender, still that doesn’t mean anxiety has to wreck them. We can practice softening its grip.
Practice: mindful redirection
Mindful walking, mindful movement like yoga, Qigong, or Tai Chi. Practices that release stress from your body and help your mind form new grooves under your direction.
You can't stop the mind thinking. Yoga and Ayurveda both teach that our thoughts are linked to our breath – as long as we are breathing, we will be thinking. But they also teach that this gives us a place of influence over our thoughts - more calmly we breathe, the more calmly we can think.
That’s where some guided practices can be very helpful.
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